Jaguar

She felt like a jaguar

Subsisting on meals 

Of mice and rabbits

For far too long. 

She needed a real meal,

To feel fulfilled.

Memories

She stepped towards him, closing the distance between them so swiftly and smoothly, he might have even wondered if it had ever existed. 

"See the thing is," she said, "memories are like a swimming pool. You can just dive in and have a fantastic time splashing around. But when you come out,” she paused, placing her hand on his chest, “you're still wet."

She let her hand graze across his chest as she walked around him. She didn’t even turn to see if he followed her - she knew he would. 

All Alone

Alone, again.
So much more alone
Than she ever had been before. 
At least last time,
She was naive enough
To think she could 
Burden her friends.
This time, 
She knew better. 

So she was alone. 
Increasingly ever alone. 

She had no semblance of a plan,
No one to turn to.
She knew she would just have to figure it out
Alone this time. 

She hated being alone.
But she hated being hurt even more. 

Lyrics

Do you ever have a bit of lyrics that hit you just right?

Today, I'm feeling Biblical - thanks to Biffy Clyro.

"Baby if you could would you go back to the start?
Take any fresh steps or watch it all fall apart,
Again.
It could have been a wonderful year,
Instead we might not make it to the end.
Everybody cares, 
But nobody knows."

Updated Playlist For Now

Someone to You - Banners

I Hope You're Happy - Blue October

Critical Mistakes - 888

Everybody's Lonely - Jukebox the Ghost

Biblical - Biffy Clyro

Trying to decide on another Biffy song to add, because that is just what I am feeling. Thinking maybe Flammable, Black Chandelier, Many of Horror, or Bubbles. 

Normally I wouldn't include two from the same band - but it's Biffy, so fuck it. 

Villain

She didn't use to 
See herself as a 
Villain. 
She thought she was the heroine,
Helper and victor!
She thought she was the good guy.
Then
She read someone else's version
Of the same story. 
Villain?
How is she the villain?
Her heart broke again into
More pieces than matter.
She was hurt.
She was broken.
She gave up everything
To try and make it easier
For him.
But she had been broken.
She could not go back.
Forgive.
Forget.
Some judged her. 
Openly, or even subtly.
Passive aggressive and 
Aggressive aggressive - both were her lot.
She couldn't bear it. 
How was she the villain?

Then she thought about now.
She had never hated her past so much
As she did right now. 
She wished she could erase him entirely. 
Because now
The judgement will come more than twice as fierce.
It will burn twice as hot, 
She will be the villain. 
Again. 

And as these thoughts tumbled in her mind,
She learned she was not just a villain -
She was the worst. 
The damage she had done
Left the largest scar
On someone she loved.

She fell 
Speechless.

Not a Damsel

She knew she was not
A damsel in distress. 
She had been dropped
Too many times
To believe that might ever
Exist for her. 
Too many breaks
Too many cracks.
She did not need rescuing,
She didn't expect it. 
Whatever had to be done
She could do 
Alone. 
There was no
Resentment
Or anger
At the realization
Or continuing thoughts. 
Just an 
Acceptance. 
It made sense to her, 
She understood it.
So, she sucked it up
And she kept going. 
Finding rest and solace 
Where she could. 
Pushing forward...
Keeping it together...
Hiding...
Maybe it would get better. 
Someday.

She was not a damsel,
Though she was in distress.
The fairy tale
Had long since ended,
She knew no rescue
Was coming her way.
She knew the 
Dreams of being
Swept off her feet
And held closely
Like a treasure
Were not meant 
For her. 
There was a time
She thought they were. 
But it always faded,
And she ended up alone.

She was not a damsel,
She was a rescuer. 
And the time had come
For her to rescue herself.